This week our church is celebrating Vacation Bible School (VBS). Each night children from our congregation, from our community and from an inner city community that we partner with come to our church to learn the word of God, to enjoy each other's company, to be entertained, to have fun, and just plain have a good time. We do it for them; to see the smiles on their faces and the joy in their hearts. Last night, God had something in store for my heart too.
A little brown-eyed girl in a yellow shirt came up to me in the sanctuary just before the program started. Her eyes were big, filled with joy and sparkling. She had a smile on her face. And without saying a word she placed this carefully folded tiny yellow star in the palm of my hand. Our eyes met, we smiled at each other. I said "Thank you." Then she was gone in the crowd.
I tucked that tiny yellow star in my pocket. Each time I pull it out I think of her excitement and smile and it brings me joy. The tiny yellow star also brings me joy because of what it symbolizes.
Yellow is a color that stands for freshness, happiness, positivity, clarity, energy, optimism, enlightenment, remembrance, intellect, honor, loyalty and joy.
The star signifies goodness and truth. Stars are tiny luminaries that give off gleams of light in our dark atmosphere, just as Christ is the light that shines gleams of light into our darkness.
Thank you brown-eyed girl for this beautiful reminder of joy, goodness and light!
We've got the paper underwear, the real underwear, the flushable wipes, the potty treats , hand sanitizer and lots and lots of extra pants on hand and ready to roll. Yes, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about its potty training time in our house! This will be our third go at it, training our third and final child how to be a 'big girl'. There are a lot of successful approaches to potty training because different things work for different kids. Today I'm going to share with you some of my best training tips.
This is how potty training usually starts out at our house. "Today we're going to wear big girl underwear and go pee on the potty. Aren't these underwear cute? We don't want to get them wet, otherwise we'll have to change them." Several minutes later... "Do you have to go potty?"
"No." Three seconds later.... "Mom, my pants are wet!"
Don't laugh at me, I know it's happened to you too! Seriously friends, this could and will go on all day, maybe all week if you let it! She had no idea she had to go potty; how would she? See the thing about potty training is that the child needs trained; not only trained on how to go potty (sit, wipe, flush, wash) but trained to realize when they need to go. Up until this point in life (unless you've dealt with constipation, and I'm sorry if you have), your child has probably never once thought 'I need to go potty'. Here's my revised approach to teaching my children to recognize when they have to go potty:
"It's time to go potty now." (See how I put that idea in their head.)
"Do you want me to carry you to the bathroom or do you want to walk?" (Let them have a choice in the matter; either way they're headed to the bathroom.)
"Do you want me to help you with your pants or do you want to do it yourself?" (I try to offer the best choice as the last choice to activate the recency effect - responding with the most recently heard option.)
"Do you want me to set you on the potty or do you want to climb up there yourself?"
This is the dialogue that happens at our house. "It's time to go potty now" has gotten excellent results. And the subsequent questions/options empowers the child to make their own decision, not about if they want to do it but about how they want to do it. When our strong willed second child was training I would often ask him if he needed me to help him and he would quickly reply, "No, mine job!" (Music to a mother's ears.)
The first week or so of training we head to the bathroom every 20 minutes (seriously, set a timer). If there is no tinkling in the toilet we go back in 5-7 minutes. This training is intense and can be exhausting for little ones and parents alike. When we're first starting I usually choose to only train in the morning, afternoon toileting is at will. Do whatever frequency is right for you and your little one.
Treats are offered at the rate of 2 for the trainer, 1 for the encourager. And yes, I give treats just for trying! In my experience the treats are self eliminating. My mom makes the 'in-training' grand kids use bathroom before she gives them something to drink. It's really quite genius because I find that children often relieve themselves while they are drinking. In this case the drink is the reward.
I make my little ones wipe up their own wet spots; it teaches them responsibility for their own actions.
My potty training tactic is incremental. I start out training just in the morning, then work up to mornings and afternoons (paper underwear/pull-ups at nap time). You can usually tell when your little one is able to stay dry through nap time. Once they are able to stay dry through the day they will a lot of times start staying dry at night on their own. Some kids take longer than others to stay dry all night, just make sure they go to the bathroom right before bed.
In the words of Grandma Mary, "They all train eventually." Keep working at it, keep researching different methods and see how they align with your unique situation, and teach them that
When your first child is born, things are so simple, so sweet, so idealistic. And aren't we lucky that they break us in easy with sleepless nights, diaper changes and round the clock feedings - if babies were born with the same abilities as toddlers there would be a lot less people having children. When you set a baby down to go answer the phone or use the bathroom, you come back and they are right were you left them. When you set a toddler down to do the same, you come back to shoes in the sink, yogurt smeared all over the table and in the hair, and a half dressed child standing in the middle of the kitchen table. Now I'm no pro at it but, this will be my third go-round with the "Terrible Twos" and you'd think I'd have a better handle on things by now, but quite honestly, I don't. It is what it is.
Today marks the second birthday of our third child. Our precious little baby who was so content, so happy and so easy going is now a two year old who constantly makes messes, is quick to shake her finger, give orders and and cries easily when she doesn't get her way. I can see there are a lot of reasons why the term "Terrible Twos" came to be but I'm here to tell you, to beg you, to see the rest of the picture! There is so, so much going on and changing at this age that if you're so wrapped up in seeing the terrible in it, that you'll miss all the TERRIFFIC TWOs moments.
2 Year Olds are Notorious for:
Tantrums
Crying
Frustration
Hitting
Throwing
More Tantrums
Mess Making
Climbing
And More!
Lets start with the Tantrums; the most famous of all the two year old mis-behaviors. Why did the toddler throw a tantrum? Because she didn't get her way (insert: her toy, her favorite shoes, her friend's toy, gum at the cash register) or because she felt she was treated unfairly. Do adults throw tantrums? Yes, from time to time, especially if they don't get their way (insert: if someone cuts them off on the road, cuts in line at the deli counter, their favorite team looses) or because they feel as though they have been mistreated.
Crying. Sometimes it's warranted; sometimes it's not, most of the time it's to get attention. There are some children that can cry so loud you think you're ears will bleed; they're really good at getting attention; everyone's attention. Some kiddos get a gentle bump on the head and follow it with fake crying just to get a mother's soothing kiss, all for some sweet and simple attention. As adults do that too, don't we? We seek attention. Abrasive social media posts, selfies, shiny cars, new gadgets, expensive gifts, the list goes on.
Have you been Frustrated lately? With a co-worker, a car that won't run well, a cable company that over charges and under performs, an order that was messed up, a hair cut gone wrong? Frustrating, isn't it. Well, 2 year olds get frustrated too; because they can't get their shoes on them selves, or because they can't reach the cup off the counter, or because the page in the book keeps flipping backwards on them. Recently, from the back seat of the car I heard our almost two year old shouting with disgust, while trying to velcro her shoes, "Come on, Sunday shoes!" The struggle is real.
Hitting and Throwing come from frustration. I think it is a fairly natural behavior in small children, but one that needs to be extinguished. Alleviate the frustration when possible and punish the hitting or throwing behavior when necessary.
Our littlest one is the master of Mess Making. I was cutting out foam Minnie Mouse heads the other day to make into decorations for HER birthday and she was standing right next to me ripping their ears off! How can they be right in front of you and yet so sneaky! I can't tell you how many times she has painted the table, her hair, her clothes, her face or the floor with yogurt. She loves to mess make; I'm hoping this love for sensory exploration works it's way into creativity and craftiness as she gets older.
Our second child was exceptional at Climbing. There were at least 2 consecutive months where I kept all of the dining room chairs in our bedroom during the day so at least I knew he couldn't get on top of the table. This kid could climb the slide when he was 9 months old. Today he as excellent gross motor skills and incredible balance. The only trick here is to try to keep them safe while they explore.
Toddlers have an awesome arsenal of tools at their disposal and only with age and training do they refine them into useful adult qualities. My point here is that all of these "terrible twos" qualities are really things that develop into real life skills; they are teachable moments. Take the time to impress on your child what behaviors are appropriate when, offer reinforcement and punishment, lead by example, explore and have fun. They're only little for a little while.
And don't forget to soak up the little things. The little things like when she wraps her doll in a blanket and bounces and shushes her. The little things like when he first uses the toilet standing up. The little things like when she says "Thank you, Mama." The little things like when he got his shoes on all by himself, even if they are on backwards. The little things like when your eyes meet and they say "I love you." It's the little things that make life grand (even the 2 year old little things).
So does the big question still remain; are the two's really terrible? I guess that's just a matter of perspective.
Happy 2nd Birthday Sweet Girl!
We're looking forward to a terrific year!
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Ten years ago today we walked down the church aisle and in front of our family and friends and before God we promised to love, honor and cherish each other for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. It was the best day of our lives (having babies is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but they don't throw you a party for that quite like we had on our wedding day). We had stars in our eyes.
Photo Credit: Amanda Currie, Picture This Photography
We had a very traditional wedding with white candles and fresh flowers and many handmade items. We (my mom and I) made the ceremony programs, the place cards, the aisle runner, we got fresh hydrangeas from my grandma's garden, we even made our own guest favors. I'll be honest here, I felt that wedding favors were kind of a waste of money, but I also felt obligated to give something. We decided to give each guest a velum envelope, decorated and wrapped in ribbon, with wild flower seeds inside. It said, "Love Grows". It was maybe a little cheesy, but sufficient.
Photo Credit: Amanda Currie, Picture This Photography
Over the course of ten years a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. We've laughed and cried, we've worried and prayed, we've fallen and gotten up and we have learned so much! I'd like to share with you 10 (or so) of the things I've learned in our ten years of marriage:
1.) Leave & Cleave
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
With Mike's current job and our new home being 100 miles away from both our families, it made leaving our parents and cleaving to each other a lesson we learned through necessity, but I'm so glad we did. The dynamic of both relationship changed. The primary relationship in both our lives was no longer with our parents but with each other; a bond that grows stronger every day. Looking back its wonderful to think about how our relationships with our parents changed from parent-child relationships to respectful adult relationships.
2.) Love & Respect
As wedding gifts we received a few books on love and marriage, Love and Respect by Emerson Eggeriches being one of them. {link: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs} The title really says it all; the key to a good marriage is for the wife to feel loved and for the husband to feel respected. Here are a few ideas of how you could show love and give respect.
Respect your Husband By:
TELLING HIM. "I really respect you for _______." It can seriously be that simple. BUILD HIM UP; tell him what you like about him or how good he is at his job. Build him up to others and very importantly build him up to your children.
If you have a single family income (and even if you don't) show him respect by being responsible with the income he earns for your family.
Stand behind his authority with the kids.
Love your Wife By:
TELLING HER. Say it often. Make it a routine and make it random.
Hug her, kiss her, hold her hand, put your arm around her.
Stand up for her - don't trash talk her in front of the guys.
Speak her Love Language (see lesson #3).
3.) Speak Their Love Language
~ Words of Affirmation ~ Acts of Service ~ Receiving Gifts ~ Quality Time ~ Physical Touch ~
Do you know your loved one's "Love Language"? I thought I did; it turns out I didn't!
Several years ago I read the book {link: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate } and took the test at the end, then I 'tested' my hubby. (I very much recommend 'testing' each other.) I was surprised to find out his love language and more surprised to find out that he already knew mine.
My love language is quality time (I thought his was too). All this time we had spent together doing stuff, going places, hanging out I thought was for US, but as it turns out he was doing it mostly for ME, letting me tag along for my sake; because he knew how much I loved it, to make me feel loved (see lesson #2). Then it was time for me to kick it into gear and speak his love language.
Learning to speak someone's love language has application to all relationships, more than just marriage.
4.) Choose Your Battles
Yes, its true; not everything is worth fighting over. Every morning my husband pulls out a kitchen chair, sits down and ties his shoes before he goes to work. And every morning he gets up, grabs his lunch and heads off to work without pushing that chair back in. We have a very small cozy house and a chair in the middle of the kitchen is in the way (to say the least). I could let him know, I could remind him and nag him (and yes I've tried), but at the end beginning of the day I can push that kitchen chair back in myself and smile because he went to work - so we could have kitchen chairs. :)
5.) Be Kind
Why is it that we are the hardest on the ones we are the closest to? Why do we carelessly speak our minds to our spouses, say hurtful things that we would never say to a friend or stranger? Probably because we know they'll still love us anyway, but that DOES NOT make it okay. Once you say it you can't take it back. Show your spouse the love and respect they deserve and choose your words (and your tone) wisely.
Don't forget that often times it's not what you say but how you say it.
6.) Don't Keep Score
Back in our first year or two of marriage we had a debate going about something (so significant I can't remember what). At the end of it Mike was proven to be right. Then in a joking manor he wrote it on the calendar, "MIKE WAS RIGHT". It was probably funny to him for the first 30 seconds, then we both realized that now he had it entirely wrong. Bummer. From that point we decided that we wouldn't keep score. We wouldn't keep score of who was right or wrong, or who had the most recent 'big' purchase, or who had changed the most diapers or anything else.
We still have disagreements and debates but no one's keeping track. Keeping score and comparing only leads to discontentment.
7.) Keep it Intimate
Intimacy is something that evolves and grows and becomes more complex and more wonderful over time. It is so much more than private moments in the bedroom, it's sharing your hopes and dreams, your concerns and ideas, your joys and sorrows with each other. Intimacy feels like two hearts beating as one; two lives so intertwined you can't tell one from the other; two people so in tune with one another that they can convey thoughts and feelings without speaking. Strive for intimacy.
8.) Make Time For Each Other
A wise mentoring neighbor recently pointed out to us that so many people put so much time and energy into their children and their children's activities that they don't have much left to invest in their marriage. By the time their children are grown and leave for collage/jobs/marriage they are left living with someone they barely know. (I don't want that to be us!)
You could don't have to plan an extravagant weekend away or fancy night on the town. Make time for each other right where you are, right now. Spend time weeding the garden together, take a bike ride together, prepare a meal together, enjoy an Amaretto Sour together or watch a movie together. We find it easier to spend time together after the kids are in bed. In the summer time it's not uncommon for Mike to go start a campfire while I'm putting the last kid in bed.
9.) It's The Little Things
It's the...
...inside jokes.
...wink from across the room.
...sound of children laughing.
...whisper in your ear.
...long ride home with sleeping kids.
...last bite of chocolate cake.
...fresh made coffee.
...first kicks of your unborn child.
...surprise bouquet of flowers.
...lunch in the field.
...rocking your newborn baby.
...yesterdays.
...tomorrows.
It's the... little things. It's the little things that make life grand. Choose to find joy in the every day happenings of life.
10.) There's an Answer Book
Very few times in your life will you randomly open the Bible to the exact spot you didn't know you were looking for (when you do it will send chills down your spine). But, if you search, read, pray and study your Bible, you'll find that all the answers are in there. Use it for your manual on how to live life; how to grow a marriage, how to bring up a child, how to handle money, how to love the unloveable and how to find hope and healing.
11.) (bonus lesson) It's Worth It
"Therefor, what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:9
Marriage is not always an easy thing, and our marriage certainly isn't perfect. You have to choose unity; you have to fight for it, for each other. "I'm not telling you it's going to be EASY, I'm telling you it's going to be WORTH IT." Judy Garland
So here we are ten years and three kids later realizing how much our love has grown. (Maybe it wasn't so cheesy after all) Beginning like tiny a wild flower seed that was blowing in the breeze, then landed in the dirt, put down roots, and started to grow. It starts as a tiny fragile plant that needs sunshine and rain and develops into a hearty stalk that eventually turns into a beautiful blossom and ultimately bears seed. Love really does grow.
Thank you to so many couples in our life; our parents and relatives, our friends and church family; you have taught us so much about what it means to grow a marriage.
How is your marriage growing? What have you learned? PLEASE leave a comment telling how long you've been married and what lesson you've learned through it.
We're having another snow day here in West Michigan. The temperature is in the single digits and the snow is waist high. So how do you keep your kids from making you crazy all day? You make up new games to play with them!
Meet my good friend (and neighbor) Tiffany. She is a wonderful mother to four energetic boys who are ages 6 and under, bless her heart. She is always finding new ways to keep their minds and bodies busy. Today she came up with this great game: Alphabet Hide and Seek!
"Snow day letter scavenger hunt! Bonus is they have magnets so they stick to vents, etc! We will make the most of today! Lol"
Gather up your ABC refrigerator magnets (as many as you can find), put them in order on a large sheet of paper (a 12" x 12" sheet of scrapbook paper works well) and have your child trace each of the letters on the paper in order. Next, take turns hiding the letters in specific rooms of the house and see who can find the most! Tiffany says, "I am thinking I am going to paint an old cookie sheet and trace the letters on there. Then the magnets will hold the letters in place!"
If you don't have a set of Magnetic Letters & Numbers
yet you can get them on Amazon for around $10. Here are some variations for the game: *Use a stop watch and make it a timed event *Make the child find the letters in alphabetical order *Hide the letters for the kids with an object that starts with the same letter (i.e. hide the letter d on the door) *Have the kids hide the letters with an object that starts with the letter Leave a comment telling us what other variations have you tried for this game?
} The title really says it all; the key to a good marriage is for the wife to feel loved and for the husband to feel respected. Here are a few ideas of how you could show love and give respect.
} and took the test at the end, then I 'tested' my hubby. (I very much recommend 'testing' each other.) I was surprised to find out his love language and more surprised to find out that he already knew mine.
yet you can get them on Amazon for around $10.